My Old Self Doesn’t Fit Into The New Me
The change from winter to spring always seems to invoke a new start. New goals, new plans, spring cleaning… GETTING RID OF…
what doesn’t fit ( might be too big or too small)
that tattered favourite jacket that is older than your children
your favourite runners, the ones with the holes at the toe
the curtains you have saved in a box just in case you might use them again
the dishes that were handed down and still in the box. You have used them in 10 years.
It is not hard to imagine how tough this process is because it is all about letting go. Letting go of something that once gave you joy, that once gave you comfort. The old reliable things that were a part of your life!!!
As a brain injury survivor I believe that many of us grieve and are challenged to let go of “our old self”. OUR PRE-INJURY SELF.
For most of us the “injury” is the defining moment. The moment when our life changed.
We live in a “before” and “after” world.
We often say to one another….
I used to do this!
Before I could handle anything!
I used to love going out and being around a lot of people…dances, pubs, restaurants etc.
I could stay up late and get up early
My energy was limitless
I loved to read
I could talk on the phone for an hour
this is our “BEFORE” life.
For most of us our “AFTER” life is far different.
We often say to one another…
After 20 minutes I am done talking on the phone…it is so hard to concentrate
I can’t read anymore. It is really hard for me to concentrate
Tired? Some days I am flat out exhausted. It feels like my brain and body are saying…NO MORE…
My family were at a wedding… the bright lights and the noise. I couldn’t take it.
I used to go to church. Yes me too. I loved church. So did I. I have tried to go. Me too. But I can’t. It is too hard. Too much stuff and I can’t focus.
I used to work all day, come home, cook dinner and then play with the kids, bath them. Now by 4pm I am done! Overwhelmed and exhausted. I just can’t do it anymore.
Brain injured survivors and their families and friends – we are all the same. We all want our “OLD SELF” back. And sadly but truthfully we all have a grief journey to go on. The journey is about letting go of the old self and embracing the new. SOUNDS SIMPLE but believe me it is incredibly hard. For survivors and families/and friends.
I can speak from a survivor’s point of view. I think the same, I want to do the same things, my heart is the same… BUT I CAN’T.
At first my husband and family thought I should be able to do certain things, BUT I COULDN’T.
Talking with other survivors I know that my story is not unique. It is a journey that takes a long time. We try to hang on to our old comfortable selves but we discover it is not working. That in itself is extremely frustrating.
And emotional and exhausting.
We spend so much time questioning and wondering why our old self isn’t coming back?
It should by now right? WRONG!
And we learn this hard truth…
”My Old Self Doesn’t Fit Into The New Me”.
But there is a “GREATER TRUTH”.
It is spring…a time for new growth and hope!
It is time to “CLEAN THE CLOSETS OF OUR MIND”…. it is time to let go of all the things from “before” that just don’t fit anymore
This may take a few months or a few years but wherever you are on the journey remember that “THE NEW YOU” still has lots to offer the world.
Celebrate that today! Celebrate you!
. Vicki Homes